The Ways of the Force: Journal of Shmi Skywalker
by Emerald Green Queen
Summary: AU. What if Anakin Skywalker had been born within the republic and trained from infancy? This is from Shmi's perspective, of her experiences as a Jedi Knight. Many key events will be similar, but not exactly, because the differences will cause other diffe
1. Part One

The Ways of the Force: Journal of Shmi Skywalker, Jedi Knight

Day: 06, Month: 08, Year: 25371 I am unsure where to begin this Journal. I have never before kept a personal record. But it's something I feel I have to do, for my situation is entirely unique. I suppose I should start at the beginning. My name is Jedi Master Shmi Skywalker, I am pregnant. For starters, Jedi do not have children as attachment is forbidden. However, the circumstances of my pregnancy are anything but usual. You see, there is no father. By now, any person would look at me strangely and not believe my words, but it is true.

Though I have no intention of making this journal public record, I feel I need to explain myself. The events that lead to this discovery began when I was on a mission to the planet of Delg's'm with my young Padawan, Kyra Berit-Shahd. Kyra is my first apprentice, and in our two years together, we have grown into a close team. It was a simple mission - to negotiate between the two races of the planet, with a dispute over commerce and land-use. This was not anything new. Unfortunately the Kopsi and the Hodos have been at loggerheads for generations. While in the planet's Head Meeting Hall, I was overcome with dizzying faintness. And as I at up, trying to compose myself, a great wave of nausea hit me, and I was forced to immediately toward the 'fresher. Naturally, Kyra was most concerned for her usually healthy master, but once I relieved my stomach of my breakfast I thought I had a control of my physical functions, as I reached out to the force. Since I seemed to have recovered sufficiently, I decided to re-enter the meeting and continue our 'discussion' (a term I use lightly). After three standard days of the occasional nausea attack, with no reasonable explanation, we brought the mission to a swift an end as possible, and returned to Coruscant.

By this stage I was slightly concerned, as nobody else seemed to be suffering from the same symptoms, so I paid a call on a Healer, Jedi Master Shula Sinni. Shula is a great friend of mine, and if she is available, she is my first choice. Of course, I trust all the other healers implicitly, but my complaint seemed unexplainable, so I wanted it kept private. I could have gone to a medcentre to be examined by medical droids, but I prefer the personal contact. Once we had been through our customary pleasantries, I sat down, and Shula placed her hands on my shoulders, and opened her mind to the Force, while I tried to relax and let her do her job. After a few moments, she gave me a strange look. I must admit, my heart missed a beat or two. But I soon reigned in my fears, and used the force to try and regain my usual equilibrium as I braced myself for her diagnosis.

"Shmi", she eventually spoke, "Is there something you want to talk about. I'm here for you. I know it must be hard, but you are not alone."

"What in the galaxy are you talking about?" I asked her, confused. She almost sounded like she thought I must have done something not exactly becoming of a Jedi, though her tone was gentle, "I am slightly in the dark here… what do you mean?"

"Shmi," Shula said incredulously, "I don't know how the Council is going to take this, but you're six standard weeks pregnant."

I sat there stunned. I was unable to form any words. Pregnant? How was that possible? I had not broken the Code!

Shula sat down next to me, and put an arm around me, "You have a good record, I'm sure we can work out something for you." Her tone sounded slightly desperate.

We must have sat there for an hour, as I processed my thoughts over this impossible event. Despite how it must have looked to her, Shula was wonderfully supportive.

Still dazed, I eventually decided to confer with Master Yoda. If this was true, he had to know, and I had to have some answers.

Shula walked with me to his private quarters, but I insisted I would be fine to speak to him alone. I had nothing to hide.

Fortunately, Master Yoda was not teaching at that time, and had just finished some meditation when I asked to speak to him over the comm. outside his quarters.

"Enter, please, Master Skywalker. Talk together, we shall."

I breathed deeply, and entered. Master Yoda, as usual, sat in his miniature chair, looking up at me.

"With me, something to discuss you have?" He asked, as I sat down on a regular-sized chair, which was at a slight angle to his own."

I swallowed, "Yes, Master Yoda. Something has happened which I cannot explain, but it is something you must know." And with that I poured out the events that had just passed. Though I had few details to actually give, I assured him I had done nothing to break the code.

He listened carefully. I think it must have helped that I am a respected Master. Had it been someone such as Kyra or someone else her age, I am uncertain whether or not he would have taken it so calmly. Though he would have to meditate to decide for himself the true nature of events and what the Force was guiding him to do.

When I had run out of words to say, he meditated upon what I had told him. "Something mysterious, this is. Something shrouded. A fulfilment of a prophecy, I believe it may be. Believe you, I do. But consult with the Council, I must." With those few mysterious words, he dismissed me, and I walked back to my own quarters.

Thankfully, Kyra was not there. Though she had been concerned, she had a lightsabre training session with another Padawan, Arrell Zandu, which had been set-up as soon as we had arrived back at the temple. The two are good friends, and they work well together. In fact, the girls are distantly related - strength in the Force runs in families, as it did in theirs.

I was glad of the time alone, I had some contemplating to do. The shocking news was starting to sink in by that stage. I was going to have a child! A child! It is not something a Jedi dreams of. From the beginning of our training, we know that it is a lifetime commitment, and a hard life. But it is what we must do, and we stick to it. That is how it has been for all these thousands of years. It is not questioned, for it can be no other way. The more I thought about the child rowing inside me, the more I was filled with joy, excitement… even love. My eyes filled with happy tears. It was a profound moment. I may not have known where my child had come from, but from that moment, I loved my child desperately, no matter what might come to pass. I placed my hand to my stomach, and allowed myself to feel that tiny babe's life-force flow through me. The child would certainly be strong with the force - that much I could tell.

I laid down, more tired than I had realised. I don't know how long I had been asleep when I was awoken by Kyra entering the room. I sat up in bed, and began to think of the implications for her. I hope this will not affect Kyra too much. Our relationship must remain strong if I am to train the girl. If I'm allowed to train the girl.

She smiled at me, obviously in a good mood after her duelling with Arrell. "How are you feeling, Master?"

I smiled back at her, "Not too bad for the moment, thank-you."

My comm. chose that moment to beep. It was Master Yoda. The Council was ready to speak to me. "Alright, my Padawan, I must go and speak to the Council. Please read from this data-chip, until I return. Then I want a full report of both your conclusions as well as of your sabre practice with Padawan Zandu."

She bowed her head dutifully, "Yes, Master."

Then I left for the Council Chambers. The walk there felt like an eternity. Yoda's support was a great relief to me, but it was still uncertain what the Council would choose to do. I entered the circular room, and bowed my head, waiting to hear their decision. Not surprisingly, Master Yoda was the first to speak, "Master Shmi, discussed and meditated on your news we have. Though most unexpected, believe you we do."

Master Ki-Adi-Mundi then spoke, "We are not entirely certain, but we believe this may be the chosen one of who was prophesied will bring balance to the Force."

Master Yoda spoke again, "When born, your child is, tested they will be. If strong enough, trained they will be. If happen, this does, separated from your child, you will be. As according to the Code, this is."

I tried to quell my sadness. Deep down I knew that. All Jedi initiates are taken away from their families while still very young, so they will not form strong attachments outside the Order. I myself was separated from my parents… if Jedi had not been there at my birth because of a mission, they never would have found me, and I would likely have ended up in slavery, or worse…

I bowed my head again, "I accept your decision, Masters. And I thank you for your belief in me."

Master Yoda spoke again, "Hard for you, this will be. But will of the Force, this is."

"Yes, Master." I replied.

Master Neenah Hirdox then spoke in her soft voice, "We wish this to be kept quiet. Time will tell if this is true, everybody knowing this would e a great burden for the child. Besides, nothing is yet certain, though evidence supports this conclusion. There will be questions raised, but all will have to be satisfied with our decision of letting you remain in the Jedi Order."

"Yes, Masters." I again replied, and I was then dismissed.

So that is why I am sitting here writing a Journal for the first time. Though there are many around me I am close to, I am not to confide in anyone other than who the Council allows. So within this record, I can express myself. With this road ahead, I feel it would be unwise to not deal with this. Though Jedi are to control negative emotions, it's not an easy road, the Force is leading me down. But I know one thing - it is the will of the Force,

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Day: 09, Month: 08, Year: 25371 "With your position will come different responsibilities. At least, for the time-being." Master Hirdox's words have been running through my head, after my private audience with her. This of course means, I am currently ineligible for missions away from Coruscant. Which is why I am currently sitting in the Senate Chambers, with one very bored teenage Padawan. Kyra is usually a very patient young woman, especially for one her age… but everyone has their limits, even Jedi Padawans. 'Senate Duty' gives us a chance for some political study, and a purpose to serve while Coruscant-bound. Senate Duty is no great effort, except for being attentive for large periods of time, and occasionally restraining oneself from hitting senator's heads together. Basically, it is a job that dates from the earliest days of the Republic, when there was much unrest. It was mainly a measure to keep peace, but these days, it is mostly a method but which we monitor and observe what is happening in the Republic we serve.

Fortunately, we have company. Master Qui-Gon Jinn, and his apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Master Qui-Gon is a loyal friend, as trustworthy as the Coruscant-day is long, even if he is a little… eccentric. But that does not matter, he has been friend for many years, and he is a good and compassionate Jedi, and he has not stood in judgement of me, even though he does not know all of the facts. Right now he is looking sternly at Obi-Wan, who looks as interested in the Senate proceedings as Kyra. I look over to see what is the matter. It appears Obi-Wan was surreptitiously passing Kyra a note on a data pad. I'd better help deal with this…

---

Hmm, it was a good thing that after that incident, there was a short recess. I cannot say I was exactly innocent when it came to lack-of-attentiveness. It is not something I make a habit of, but I have a lot of my mind while sitting here observing. Of course, I have not yet managed to get to the point of why I am writing, so if I am not being attentive, I should at least finish what I have begun so that I will be able to pay attention. That would of course be my pregnancy. Unofficially, the word of it is spreading, though the Council have not given an official announcement. When they do it will probably be something confirming yet vague. I do not think that are still quite sure how to deal with the situation, though they seem to be very busy with their personal mediations currently.

As for Kyra, I have, somewhat embarrassedly informed her of my news. I do not think the poor girl knew how to respond at first. But just as she has been trained, she reached out to the Force and sought wisdom. Soon enough, the wide-eyed child was supportive, and clucking like a mother hen over her Master. I think she took the news rather well, although the questions are written across her face. I have not been able to tell her much, just enough to assure her that her Master has not strayed from the Code, or taken a leave of her senses.

Naturally, my child himself/herself(?) has been somewhat on my mind. I know they will never be mine to raise, but he/she is intrinsically a part of me. I do not know how I manage when he (I do not know, but I cannot called them 'it') is ripped from me. All I can imagine is that I will spend much time in meditation, and trust that the ways of the Force are best. If I was chosen to carry this special child, the Force must have good reason.

Now, I think that perhaps I had better continue my 'watch', I'm the one who is supposed to be a Jedi Master, here!

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Day: 16, Month: 08, Year: 25371 All I can say at the moment is - now that I know what is the matter with me, meditation very helpful in dealing with morning sickness! Actually, to be honest, the term 'morning' sickness is misleading. Because of my health, the Jedi Council has decided to step in for the next few months, that Kyra will not miss out on her training. Master Windu, and Master Drallig will supervise her lightsabre training over the next few months, while Master Qui-Gon will oversee any other areas of physical fitness and give help wherever any is needed. This is of great help to me - I doubt that with a growing stomach I could keep up with an active young Padawan. Besides, no-one wishes to put the baby at risk. This time of training with be very good experience for Kyra - these Masters are two of the best when it concerns lightsabre duelling. With that load off of me for the next few months, I will be able to see to the educational needs of Kyra, and her growth in the Force while caring for the child I carry.

I spent the morning in meditation with Kyra, teaching her of submission and of giving completely of self. Now that Kyra is currently training with Master Windu, I am planning for this afternoon's lecture in the wisdom of the Force (something I need to remember at the moment - hormones tend to twist ones thinking. A weakness I must mediate on to overcome). But while I have this quiet time, I decided to write of my thankfulness of the Jedi Council, and reaffirming my trust in the Force, no matter how insanely cracked it may seem at the moment.

As of writing this journal entry, I am seven standard weeks pregnant. I finally went for a medical exam yesterday, and as Shula had informed me, despite the mysterious origins, everything is progressing normally. I decided not to have the sex of the child revealed to me, though the pregnancy is far along enough to tell. It seems slightly pointless, considering it will not be me who raises the child, but still I am the mother, so I would like that to be a surprise. The medical droid projected a hologram showing me the size the baby would be. I cannot believe there is something that small growing inside me!

I know it must seem that from this journal that this baby is currently my sole focus. I am uncertain whether it is I true or not, I must meditate on this. If so, it is being unfair to Kyra. I do not think I am, despite what I am writing, Kyra is my charge, and I am determined to make a Jedi of her. I suppose writing this journal must clear my head so I am able to do this effectively. I am constantly questioning myself of late. Shula tells me not to worry, as pregnant women are known for losing their emotional balance.

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Day: 30, Month: 08, Year: 25371 I have not had a moment to write this journal for two standard weeks now. Between training Kyra, attending private audiences with Master Yoda and the Council, my responsibilities for Senate Duty, filling-in teaching groups of younglings, and preparing my written statement of my condition life has been busy indeed. Shula has ordered me to rest, and I feel she is right. Though it is apparently normal, I keep finding myself to be very over-emotional. I have spent the morning in private meditation, while Kyra is away on a training exercise. It always feels strange without Kyra there. Such training exercises are not frequent, but it teaches Padawans independence, initiative, survival skills, and personal reliance on the Force. She will return in two standard weeks. However, the chance to relax, and let myself enter the flow of the Force calmed my soul. Pregnancy is a strange thing - it certainly keeps one off-balance and makes one not themselves. And that is with the Force as an ally! I simply cannot imagine how I could remain calm and centred without it. From what I have been able to ascertain, it is acceptable to behave in such a way, but it would be unbecoming of a Jedi. No matter.

After my morning of meditation, I decided I should continue this journal. I spent part of the time contemplating my child and their purpose. I believe I received visions of a possible future, and they were… disturbing. I realise the future is not set in durocrete, but if it is something the Force chose to share with me, then I should not ignore it. To be honest, I do not understand the entire meaning, but I shall attempt to describe them. I had a feeling of great uncertainty, and of great foreboding, possibly great power. It was unsettling. Then I saw images of battle, and of lightsabre duelling. Then I saw a great dawn rising. I feel the last part was symbolic, but it not solely for me to interpret. It was so intense… I almost cried. Whatever the future holds, it is clear these events will be of impact. However, I must talk of these things to Master Yoda.

---

Master Yoda was most interested in what I had said, though cautiously so. In his wisdom, he advised me that the future is uncertain, and there are to be great changes, and possibly hard times ahead. However, even he cannot speculate of the full nature of these changes.

Master Yoda's concluding comment was, "Hmm, tell us, time will. Affect us all, your youngling shall".

From my conclusions I have come to the understanding that we cannot affect fate, only watch as it passes us by. We are responsible only for ourselves, we cannot be responsible for the actions of others. We all have choices to make, and paths to take. So we shall wait and see. We must all have patience. After this, I feel exhausted both physically and emotionally, perhaps I should meditate again to regain my centre, then have an afternoon siesta. I am certain that Shula would wholeheartedly agree.

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Day: 3, Month: 09, Year: 25371 I have been reading through my journal entries (an emotional experience indeed, one that meditation can only help so much) and I cannot believe that I have neglected to write about my curious cravings. Along with my morning sickness and emotionalism, I have an appetite for the most extraordinary dishes. Why last week, I found myself eating a large bowlful of Reethan berr-bean soup. Most humans would not touch it - it is a mix of some very curious flavours that would leave many rushing for the 'fresher. I do believe Kyra thought her Master had once again taken a leave of her senses. I could only reassure her that this craving would pass.

However, the strangest craving was two or three weeks ago. In the middle of the night, I awoke with a craving for a mixture of chirquoi cake, pickled frewt, with alegander sauce. The cafeteria is usually fairly empty at that time of night, though I did receive one or two curious stares. However, Jedi are taught not to be judgemental, so no questions were asked, and their attention shifted elsewhere. Most who where there were tired, anyway, as they had returned from missions or had been doing some sort of night service.

I have taken to eating at times when there are less around, as I find that my cravings are either off-putting or very strange for others. It does seem a little ridiculous though, when you consider how many species of people exist within the Order, all with very different tastes. Fortunately, my current favourite, bilijin and asmot stew with releppo jam and fried cochun pieces is not too much for others to tolerate.

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Day: 15, Month: 09, Year: 25371 It seems that this journal will have to be periodic. Near two standard weeks have passed by, I am now twelve standard weeks pregnant, and Kyra returned from her Training Mission four standard days ago. She appears to have grown in the Force so much in that space of time. Training Missions are truly beneficial, even if they do split Padawans from their masters, which is surely the reason for why they are not a regular occurrence. The way of the Jedi Order is that of mentorship between Master and Padawan. It has been that way for countless generations.

As for the progression of my pregnancy, I do believe there are some physical changes in myself. I have put on some weight - the medical droids inform me that this is entirely normal even though I am not yet showing a great deal. It is hard to tell, though my Jedi robes are tighter than they were a few weeks ago. I shall put in an order for some larger ones.

Qui-Gon is as helpful as ever. He and Shula keep a close eye on me, at least while he is on Coruscant. I am honoured to have two such friends. It is comforting to know that I have people concerned for myself and my child.

Hmm, there I go again. I never know whether to say the child, or my child. 'The' child sounds rather disconnected (and this child is of my flesh, whether or not I raise them). 'My' child sounds possessive… for an ordinary mother I am certain this would not be a problem, however, the child never will be 'mine' - that is not the way the Order works. I understand this, but I still feel a sense of sadness. And I find myself asking questions such as 'why I am to carry a child that I will not raise?'. It seems somewhat pointless, though I know there must be some purpose. Or maybe that is just my hormones talking. However I cannot ignore these questions, I must deal with them face on and come to some conclusions… even if I do not yet see a purpose, I must trust there is one. I must not give in to pain or the like. It will take me down the path of suffering.

This is a time of testing for me. I must be willing to follow the way of the Force, and trust that there is sense in this confusion.

What did you think Love it? Hate it? Have any suggestions? Should I bother continuing? Just press the button below and tell me what you think:) 


	2. Part Two

PART 2

Author's Notes: Thanks for your patience everyone. I had not forgotten this series, but things have been busy over the past few months, and this fiction has had to hibernate while I dealt with my other commitments. I'm so glad to be back, though, and I hope to update again soon!

Oligel Ronew: Don't worry, your wish is my command! LOL! Sorry for the delay, here is the next instalment.:)

Amand: Thanks for your review, I was pleased to read of your enthusiasm for my story! Don't worry, many of the events will still occur, but there will be a different slant. So, Anakin may or may not fall depending on these changes.:) I can't give all of my plans away! As for your suggestion... it is something I have considered, but am undecided about. However, when I end this story, at the very least I plan to end it with both his and Shmi's POV.

REV042175: Thanks for your comments, I appreciated them.:) I'm glad that you thinks it's so unique. I hope that this part and ones upcoming meet your expectations.

Aditya Sunblast: Thank-you, I will.:)

DBGT Goku: Yes, we will get to what happens. But remember, Anakin is the chosen one for a purpose, he will still walk a path, which will balance the force. As for whether he will turn or stay light - I have a plan, but we will have to wait and see. Thanks for your comments.:)

Jokerisdaking: Your begging made me smile:) Yes, we will deal with everyone's reaction to Anakin's midi-chlorian next time.

White-Tigers-of-Darkness: I'm glad that you think it's original. I wanted to write something that wasn't a re-hash of other pieces of fanfiction. Then one day, while daydreaming, I came up with this idea.:)

IntotheBlue11: I'm pleased that you like the result so far. I'm trying to lay down the pieces for where I will head in the future. There will be issues for Anakin in regards to Shmi, and it will deal with the fine line he walks… other than that, I'm not going to reveal the plot yet.:) Thanks for the comment about grammar/editing. That's something that is very important to me; there's nothing worse than a badly-edited story filled with poor spelling and grammar.

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Day: 24, Month: 09, Year: 25371

My last entry was certainly gloomy. I find it hard to believe that it was I who wrote that. I was right – it must have been the hormones talking! I have meditated on all of what I wrote last time, and I am at peace with what must be done. The medical droids and Shula have told me that now that I have entered my fourth standard month of pregnancy, my symptoms of morning sickness, unusual cravings and mood swings should now pass. I believe that is the case. I have not had too many problems with these symptoms in a few days. This should certainly help, and I can now concentrate more fully on Kyra.

I need not have worried, for Kyra has been very understanding throughout this all... even though for this whole time we have remained on Coruscant and not left on any missions. She is doing well under the tutelage of Masters Windu and Drallig. Both these masters will go down in history for their skill with a lightsabre. Master Windu will surely be on the Jedi Council some day. She has been working especially hard at all her lessons, which shows her maturity. She still has a way to go in her training, but she is going to be a great Jedi someday... she is strong with the force, with an even temperament. While Jedi are trained to do this from infancy, there are a few who battle to reign themselves in. I do not wish to speak ill of any Master, however Master Windu's own friend, and Qui-Gon's own Master, Master Dooku is an independent and fiery spirit. I believe it took Master Yoda years to reign him in. However, and I would never utter this to another living soul, I sometimes sense Dooku's unsettledness. It is not my place to pass opinion, but it seems that there is a part of him that belongs to himself alone. By this, I mean that his heart might possibly not be as pure as that of his former Padawan. That is just what I sense. If pressed, I would not willingly express this. After all he, he is a full-fledged master, and I am only in the early stages of training my first Padawan. It is not my place to judge, but he makes me uncomfortable. Such as last week… he had been away on a mission for some weeks, and on his return he must have soon found out about my condition. Well, when we passed by each other in the Archives, while I was there doing some research to help a friend (Master Janneon Tudd). He walked past me, and looked me over, and it felt most decidedly strange. Obviously, he was not the first (nor last) Jedi to do this, but there was a strange look in his eyes, and I felt… vulnerable. It was as if he were a predator examining it's prey. I dashed off in a hurry, feeling very confused. I would never mention anything to Qui-Gon, for they are as close as two people could ever be… But there is something not right in all of this, and I do not like it at all. My uneasiness is not for myself, but rather for what he is capable of.

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Day: 1, Month: 10, Year: 25371

'Hmm', as Master Yoda would say, 'much weight, I have gained'. I dread to think how big I will be in another few months! I'm not enormous, but my condition is indeed clear. I'm certainly chubbier, and I think my stomach is starting to become obvious. Other than that though, I feel completely... normal. It sounds strange, but it is the truth. Certainly, I am not to exert myself excessively, and as a result of my weight gain I cannot move quite as fast, but I feel myself somewhat again.

Shula has advised me to keep up light exercise, so I have been swimming most mornings. It is relaxing, and it feels good to get my body moving, as Jedi training and service does have a very physical side to it. We are trained in body and mind. We are trained as an entire being, though of course, our focus is spiritual.

Like the good friend he is, Qui-Gon joins me some of these mornings. Not for long, as he has Obi-Wan to see to, though Obi-Wan is not incapable. And of course, he also has to see to some of Kyra's needs at the moment, so the fact that he does this is really quite sweet. But that is Qui-Gon, he would do anything for anyone. He is truly immersed in the living Force. Though he makes waves, all Jedi can only speak highly of him. He is concerned for all things and people. I believe that makes him a truly great Master.

Shula, has even joined me on occasion. Her concern is similarly sweet. She makes certain that I have sufficient rest, and that my dietary needs are met. Qui-Gon and Shula are a formidable pair! I believe they would even back-chat Master Yoda in order to protect the child and myself. It's actually amusing… though I would not dare laugh to their faces!

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Day: 10, Month: 10, Year: 25371

Oh my stars! What a surprise… though not an unpleasant one! Just now, as I left from observing Kyra's lightsabre practice, I felt movement within my womb, a fluttering. It took my breath away. What a beautiful, profound moment. It was so exciting, and the reality of the presence of the child became even more real for me! I am going to make an appointment now to see one of the medical droids now, about seeing a holo of the size of the baby.

---

The child is growing! At 15 weeks, the child is still so tiny, but is rapidly growing. It is amazing to think that in month 3 of the upcoming year, this child will make an entrance into the galaxy, as the Force has willed.

I have not had any other visions since those I had while Kyra was away, which I am almost relieved by… I have been regularly speaking to Master Yoda, and he has continued to meditate upon them. He feels that if these events do come to pass, then there is a bigger picture behind it all. He believes that we should not jump to any conclusions however. It is my opinion that there will be something very special about this child… though I am sure that Master Yoda would advise me to watch my feelings on the matter. This is of course right, but even in my meditations I know there is more to be understood. We must wait and see, and not let it consume me.

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Day: 16, Month: 10, Year: 25371

I must say that today was interesting. As Jedi initiates are taken from their families when they are still very young, they are not in regular contact with their families. They do, however, have occasional visits, and families are sent official annual progress reports. My point is that today I met Kyra's family for the first time, and I do not think they truly appreciated the situation their daughter's master was in. By this, what I mean, is that it is a well-known fact that Jedi do not form attachments, and they most decidedly do not have children. I do not believe they would have understood the uniqueness, so I found myself assuring them that I was not setting a bad example, and that the entire Jedi Council could vouch that I was a reputable Jedi Knight. By the time they left with Kyra for the day, I believe they may have been reconsidering their decision to allow their middle child to train as a Jedi. I can hardly blame them, I am entirely aware of how it must have looked to them. It is for reasons such as this, that I must keep a low-profile at present.

All the same, it was an informative experience. I could see from where Kyra came. Now for some Jedi, including myself, they have no opportunity for family contact due to the nature of the situation, from which they came, but most have the opportunity to learn of their heritage.

Of course this child I carry will be in the unique situation of having their entire family with the Jedi Order. But since Jedi's lives revolve around the Order, I believe that this will matter little, except that this child will have more contact with their mother. I would highly doubt that I would be assigned to train the child in any large sense, such as a Padawan. But in other senses, I think our relationship will be inconsequential, because of the aforementioned lack of family bonding.

I do wonder, though, whether this child will resemble me at all. Will the child share any characteristics with myself? What will be their weaknesses and strengths? Surely these are innocent questions to ponder, though I should not allow myself to be consumed with such questions to the point of distraction from my duties. As a master to a young Padawan, I must even more strongly centre here and now, look at the implications for the future, and look to he past as to learn from it. I am comfortable in this, and being a master has taught me so much in the ways of the Force. Qui-Gon once told me that one does not truly begun their training until they have a Padawan of their own. How true this is. If one thinks they know all they need to know, they are fooling themselves, and are being arrogant.

While Kyra is out for the rest of the day, I will use the opportunity to organise some data-chips and holos for upcoming lessons, and spend time, uninterrupted in meditation. Meditation is part of the very being of a Jedi, but it is currently even more than that. Because of my condition, it means so much more – it allows me to rest my body and mind, it allows me to regain inner peace, and it gives me the strength to endure. I, of course, bear no bitterness or anger, but it is very difficult being the lone, pregnant Jedi in the Order. It attracts much attention, and while there is a lot of support, I am viewed somewhat as a curiosity – such as the other week's strange encounter with Master Dooku.

-----

Day: 22, Month: 10, Year: 25371

I am indeed continuing to grow is size, however, that is not what I wish to discuss this fine Coruscant day. I have a new temporary assignment, so I am glad to be of service again, for service is a large part of the purpose of the Jedi. I have done very little, as the Council has been hesitant to assign any tasks to me lately, especially as I am becoming less physically able. I had remained patient and understanding of their position, and had prepared myself to continue this quietude for the months to come. I was content in overseeing Kyra, and spending time in meditation. So when the Council informed me of their decision to grant me this responsibility, it was an unexpected surprise

It began when Kyra was sent on a mission with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, as the Council did not wish for her training to suffer – though it is usual that one Padawan will accompany but one Master. However, normalcy has been thrown out of the window with all that has happened. When the arrangements for Kyra's trip were underway, one of the nursery 'mothers' was called away, the suggestion was put forth that perhaps I, as an expectant mother, would be an appropriate choice. I think what settled this matter, though was Shula's (and she holds a great deal of weight in matters pertaining to general health and well-being of Jedi) recommendation, that I should be keeping my mind active, and be amongst others at this trying time. It is actions such as these, which demonstrate the strength of Shula's concern for others. It is why she is well-suited to the role of a Jedi healer.

Once the Council had unanimously voted for this, I was personally escorted to the nursery, where I was to receive my assignment instructions. Head Nursery Master (or 'mother') Dria Jabar and her assistant, a young Twi'lek by the name of Knight Zeraylie both greeted me warmly, and explained that I was to assist with the three-month-year-olds with day-to-day tasks, such as feeding, cleaning, and basic teaching in preparedness for their level-one classes (which begin when they are 12 months). They proceeded to demonstrate the techniques, and allowed me to try. I soon mastered them, and I was allowed to begin work there at one.

How remarkable and individual each baby is. No matter what, young babies such as these, are always the future of the Jedi Order. And that will include this child I carry – all prophecies aside. It is already apparent that each baby has a distinct personality and different gifts. I had never had much involvement with babies such as these before, but it felt completely natural for me. Though some bonding is required for babies to develop in a normal fashion, they are not allowed to form too strongly, for bonds must be made to the Order as whole, but also to not to be too dependent on others. But the balance struck at the nursery phase seems to work quite well. Every living Jedi is living testament to the truth of that statement.

A shall enjoy this time spent with the baby younglings. I do sense that I will learn a lot from this experience.

-----

Day: 29, Month: 12, Year: 25371

I have had a fulfilling two standard months in overseeing Kyra, and assisting in the nursery. It has truly been a blessing. First of all though, I should explain my absence from writing this journal for such a long period of time.

Other than the growth of my child, I have simply had nothing remarkable to write. If the purpose of this journal is centred about this child I carry, then perhaps it can someday serve a purpose – perhaps for my child, perhaps for the Order. I do not wish it to be a completely self-centred record. That would not be right, for it is not what I have been raised to be. On the other hand, it is a personal expression – so there does seem to be a tension between the two. But Master Yoda always tells us that what we struggle with will only make us stronger with the force.

But I ask myself… Will I truly emerge stronger? Strong personal connections are not encouraged by the Order, though a certain camaraderie is, because the Order is of unity. But can I remain indifferent to this child? I do not believe I can. That is where the difficulty lies. If the Force deemed that I must be the one to carry this chosen child, then can it be wrong? I have talked much with Qui-Gon. Though he has opposed the Council on many occasions, he would never push me to defy them if it did not sit well with me. He did, however offer me advice of, "Follow the Force Shmi. Listen to what it tells you. It is you in this position."

Wisely, I have mentioned nothing of his advice to Master Yoda.

-----

Day: 07, Month: 01, Year: 25372

At seven months into my pregnancy, I have reduced my hours in the nursery. It is harder for me to move, and Shula even has young Kyra watching how much activity I partake in and how many hours of rest I have. However, even if I did was to do more than I do currently, my presence is conspicuous. As I mentioned to Qui-Gon, whenever I walk down the halls of the temple, I now do it by 'waddling in a manner most unbecoming of a Jedi Master'.

My purpose of this entry is to record my current decision regarding what I shall name this child. It is something I have given great thought to for some time now, but it is a decision, which takes much time and meditation. I have chosen 'Anakin' if this child is a boy, or Amurra if the child is a girl. Two things were important in this decision – the pleasantness of the name on the ear, and the meaning. I have chosen these two names as they are from my native tongue. 'Anakin' means 'chosen of his mother', while Amurra means 'follow the wind' – the implications of this are of following what is, and cannot be changed.

-----

Day: 21, Month: 01, Year: 25372

Oh, that Master Dooku! Yet, how can I say such a thing of a respected Jedi Master… yet, what he insinuated left me speechless! First, however, I had better start at the beginning.

As with my previous strange encounter with Master Dooku, I had been wary when I again encountered him in the Archives. I was simply in the archives doing some research on early prophecies surrounding the Order (I wished to do so for both myself, and I thought Kyra mind find it an interesting project).

He too, seemed to be in the Archives for the purpose of researching prophecies. He certainly is independent. He has not had a Padawan in years, yet he always seems to be researching something or other. Which is why I've had these unfortunate run-ins with him. He again looked at me strangely, but this time he spoke. He asked me, "I am not saying that I doubt your story… It is an interesting one. But is there something Qui-Gon has to do with it?"

I looked at him, I would not have been more shocked if he had physically struck me. "Certainly not. Mind your place, Master Dooku!" I told him. I could not believe I told him that. I am not normally that feisty. I am usually mild mannered, and peaceful. Though through this, I must be changing. I am not certain if this is a good thing or a bad thing. A Jedi is to remain composed.

He should know Qui-Gon better that that. However, Qui-Gon is also known for his independent ways, but he is not that independent. He is not out for himself, when he disobeys it is for what he perceives as a greater good.

Perhaps, I'd better go meditate with Master Yoda. He would know best in this situation, as he trained him. One does wonder how someone as wise as Master Yoda, could train such an unsettled and free-willed Knight such as Master Dooku. I know the Force has different paths for each of us, but I do wonder what will become of him.

As for Qui-Gon, I may mention something, but put it delicately. I do not want to make any trouble. I'll mediate on it first. Though if I do, I'm certain the pair would straighten things out. They, though they share similarities and differences are the greatest of friends. However, I do believe that the biggest difference between the two is Qui-Gon's heart. He is a truly caring soul, while… and I feel disloyal to the Order to be saying this, but I wonder if Master Dooku isn't all that he seems. Oh, of course it could just be me, I am not entirely myself. The fact remains, however, that I did not appreciate his comment. The Council cleared me of unbecoming behaviour, so that ought to be good enough for him! I must restrain this frustration. It will only bring myself down. I must be calm.


	3. Part Three

PART 3

A/N: Uh… hi! Yeah, I'm back. From the dead… seriously! Yeah, I know I don't seem to regularly update, but most of my energy goes into my other writing (which is nearing its ending stages). That said, I do intend to continue (and eventually complete) this journal, right up to RotS. After that, a have a trilogy of sequels planned. (Yep, kind of based around the OT. The first of these is in the final planning stages.)

Anyway, Thanks all for your reviews… not so many for the last chapter, but that's ok. Maybe as I build this fiction up, there'll be more interest.

This time, the Chosen One makes their grand entrance into the world… er, galaxy!

Now… onto my replies to your lovely reviews!

Tanydwr: Thanks! Yes, the major parts of the story will still happen, such as (quote): "attack on Naboo, Separatists, Clone Wars, Empire, etc." But of course, with my own twist! I want to keep it familiar, yet different.

Yes, Anakin will fall for Padmé, which in some ways will be similar, but I'm going to do some things different past their point of "falling in love", since Anakin will have slight differences in his personality. That isn't to say he won't still have problems and issues. As for being ostracised for his mother… I don't really want to answer too much, since then nothing will be a surprise!

By standard week, yes I mean an earth week of seven days. I've never heard of any length of time of what a week is in Star Wars, so I was forced to be creative. If five days is supposedly canon, then is it in EU or something? If so, then that explains why I don't know – I know tiny bits and pieces of EU, but I've never immersed myself in it. I did consider creating an entirely different type of calendar, but in working on the idea, it was too confusing, so I'm going with the good old earth system. I hope that's ok:)

Thanks for your long review… I appreciated it.:) I hope you're still interested after all this time!

Green Apples Take Over The World: Thank-you! Can't get much better praise than that:) I liked your user name… creative!

IntotheBlue11: Thanks! Yeah, I wanted to establish Dooku's own path to the dark side, and the journey he takes with it. Sorry it took awhile, but I hope you're still interested!

REV042175: Thanks! Nope, the story is still going… and even though my updates are few and far between, it's far from forgotten. The problem is; there are many holes in my planning, and that my other writing takes most of my time. Mmm hmm, yep, it is my intention (for now) to (quote) have Shmi as: "very prim and proper, as well as, a strict abider of the Code." Of course, through the events of her journal we'll see some things shift in her personality, but for now she is as you've accurately described.

Thanks, I'm glad that you think I've still kept her personality even though her circumstances are entirely different. As for the way she chose the names, well, I myself have an interest in names in their histories and how people select them, so I thought it would simply make sense! Of course, the meanings are entirely fictitious and have no connection to any real language.

As for 'Master Dooku' – we probably won't hear more about him for awhile… but let's just say he's a little too curious for his own good, and he is slowly descending into the dark side. That's what I'm trying to establish with his character.

Thanks for your thoughts… I do appreciate them!

-----

Day: 04, Month: 03, Year: 25372

The day draws near, of that I am certain. Only a few, short standard weeks left… or so Shula informs me! I have to say that the word 'short' is overrated. She has clearly never been in the position of carrying a mystery baby! Hmm… perhaps I should start again. My condition leaves my personality a lot to be desired, especially as we are all expectantly counting down

If there is one thing I can say about all of this, is that I've never felt so out of control in my entire life. I am spending many, many hours in quiet meditation, only to have it disturbed by discomfort. Though physical appearances are meaningless, when it comes to the heart of the Force, I feel as large as an overweight Hutt!

All discomfort and frustrations aside, I know a true miracle of the Force has taken place, and quiet moments of awe of being a part of something so momentous catch me quite suddenly. Master Yoda tells me that the Force has willed to be, and that while the main purpose of this experience is to produce the babe that grows inside my womb, I am to be irrevocably altered as to take part in the events of history. Humbling to be sure… I'm no better or worse than any other Jedi. I'm simply a quiet Master who enjoys the challenges of following where the Force wills.

The rest of the Council, while united in support, don't all support some of what Master Yoda was implying in this. Apparently Master Yoda has been shown much through meditation in the Force, as he leads the Council and needs to know, simply 'what is'. Master Yoda has been seeing the ways the lives of this child, and mine are linked. It's almost as if, in some ways at least, the pillars on which the Order stands are being shaken and thrown carelessly aside. It's almost as if some things simply aren't as important as the Order thinks they are, and that The Order is being challenged out of stagnancy. It's an alarming thought. The source of the controversy is this; Master Yoda believes in the importance of the way the Order does things and how training takes place, but that this child was placed within a Jedi for a reason… so that said Jedi will affect the life of this "Chosen One."

Now, in some ways, the Council is inclined to agree, as Master Yoda is wise and reaches closeness and oneness with the Force in ways greater than most other Jedi. But the fact of a child being separated almost entirely from their parents (or parent, as the case it) is irrefutable. It would seem that despite my position, I can affect the child in no greater way than any other member of the Order. This is currently a source of contention between the Council. Especially given Master Yoda's initial conclusions.

Honestly, I _do_ see both sides of the argument… yet secretly, in my innermost mind, I am thrilled by Master Yoda's suggestion. Naturally, I have other commitments, such as to training Kyra, but I love this child, and know I am it's mother for a reason… even if I don't understand our destinies. I cannot let myself hope too much, but the idea of some level of involvement has appeal. I wonder what made Master Yoda alter his decision. He is not usually one to go back on his word.

This 'discussion', I believe Masters Yoda and Hirdox called it, has been ongoing for some three weeks.

Qui-Gon is displeased by this. While I believe the Council is simply being cautious, and not wanting to give this child an unfair advantage or disadvantage, he suggested I opened my mind to the Force on these matters. He is not permitted to be involved with these sessions, as he is not a member of the Council, but it doesn't mean that I don't confide in him. And simply put, Qui-Gon thinks I'm being too tolerant of their old-fashioned entrapping mind-set. Or so he says.

But despite his frustration with the Council, he does have a great respect for it, just as he has respect for all living things. That is a true gift the Force has bestowed upon him. I think this is where he differs from his own Master.

Speaking of whom, I eventually, and most embarrassedly, confessed what occurred between Master Dooku and myself. He looked slightly saddened, but told me it was in his nature to be suspicious, and not to take it to heart. I did not find this particularly helpful, though I know my revelation must have pained him. I was truly sorry for this, but I believed his behaviour most unbecoming for Master of the Jedi Order. Qui-Gon, did, however assure me, it would not happen again, and would have a heart-to-heart with his friend and Master. We would have discussed more, or even meditated on this together, but at that moment, Obi-Wan came tearing in, requiring his Master's immediate assistance. Then, realising the time, I slowly and carefully made my way to attend a duel Kyra was scheduled to participate in.

-----

Day: 29, Month: 03, Year: 25372

The day, at last has come. I sit here, in a private chamber in the healing centre, tended to by dearest Shula, as the pains began some hours ago. It is tiring, and painful at this point, so meditation gives me great peace during this unsettling and exciting occasion. It also relieves much of the pain.

Shula has been very tender towards me, but woe betide any who dare visit me "in my delicate condition"! Shula has 'kindly' permitted Yoda entrance to monitor my progress, a brief visit from Qui-Gon, and of course my Padawan Kyra. Any other would be visitors have been 'advised' to call in later, once "the patient has given birth and is rested enough." Which if Shula had her way, would probably be two weeks!

In fact, I can overhear her now. It sounds as if she is speaking with Masters Neenah Hirdox and Dria Jabar.

"Come, come, Master Sinni," Master Hirdox is uttering in her soft voice. "We merely wish to sit with Shmi, and offer our support."

"With all due respect, Master Hirdox," Shula is firmly replying, "but Master Skywalker requires her rest. I will duly inform you when the babe is born."

I can hear Dria arguing. Brave woman, facing Shula's wrath. "We only wish to see her briefly… we will over-excite or cause her any stress."

I can almost see the expression on Shula's face… "Perhaps you'd like to discuss this with Masters Sarang and Radesh?"

Masters Sarang and Radesh are the two most senior healers. Highly respected, austere, with amazing oneness with the Force. Most definitely _not_ too be messed with. I once even saw Master Sarang temporarily turn back Master Yoda during an emergency. _No_-one argues with him!

A most entertaining perform--

---

Now, after that pain, back to my writing. The contractions are currently minutes apart, and are rather unpleasant – meditation or no. All I can say is that there's at least a marvellous outcome to this pain.

Oh dear… I hear Shula marching back. Time to face the music.

---

I'm glad that's over with! Shula was most unimpressed to find her patient lying on her bed, wielding a datapad. I didn't blame her, I am meant to relax, and not work at all. But I'm not that foolish. I know my limits. And I know, despite her present fierce mood, she is only showing care and concern for me. And I appreciate that.

Seeing what I was doing, Shula stood there, as the base of the bed, scowling, and with her hands on her hips. "And who gave you permission to work on that datapad?" she demanded.

I decided I had better not reveal the fact that Qui-Gon snuck it in to relieve the monotony. I confessed to him that communing with the Force during this time aside, I needed something constructive to do.

I the raised my hand, as a sign of peace. "Shula, I assure you, I am simply writing in my journal. Nothing more than that."

She narrowed her eyes in suspicion, regarding me silently for a few moments. "Very well. But when the time comes, I am confiscating it."

There was nothing to do, but agree. She knows I keep a journal, and that it kept me quiet for now, then well and good.

As she walked away, she stopped and turned around, again facing me. "Next time he pays a visit, I shall inform Qui-Gon that if he brings any more bootleg items with him I am barring his presence for three days."

-----

Late Evening (Or early hours, I'm not certain which hour of the day it is.)

Day: 29 or 30, Month: 03, Year: 25372

After again meditating after writing the earlier part of this entry, I began having more visions. I have not had any of that nature in months, so they caught me by surprise. Nothing as intense, but they were clearly related to this child who is ready to burst their way into this galaxy.

Despite these visions, and the ever-increasing contractions from which I am weary, a calm sense of peace pervades this room and surrounds me. I sense a quiet awe; it truly feels as if the galaxy depends on this birth. I don't know whether it's my own hopes, but I honestly see no other explanation, unless the prophecy has been misinterpret--

---

The pain is grim, but I must continue. It feels as if the fate of the galaxy lies in the balance. Master Yoda spent some time with me, which we used to quietly meditate, and he seems to agree. Of course, he is not the final authority as the Council decides on matters as a collective. Such as with Master Yoda's belief of the level of input I have in the life of this child. He informs me that for now, a consensus has not been decided, and therefore things will proceed as normal. I will be given the opportunity to hold the child, but it will soon be taken away to the nursery. He informs me that;

"Promise to care for your child, Master Jabar does."

This pains me. Though I am irrelevant in the scheme of things, and helpless to the natural flow of the Force, I don't know how I will bear this trial. I had hoped that Master Yoda might have been able to sway the Council in time.

He too, had informed me of having visions of the child. Interestingly, several of the younglings have been unsettled, by what we believe to be related visions. Master Yoda seems to think that that is because children are sometimes far more perceptive in their natural state than with years of training.

My own--

----

My own visions of this child have been as if through their eyes. It seems to be some sort of struggle between dark and light. But which is victorious is never clear. If it's dark, how would this bring the Force into balance? The images are not clear ones, mostly feelings. Except… I don't understand it, but a haunting image of what looks like a woman… I cannot make out her features, except that, like me, she's pregnant… and lying, surrounded by molten rocks and fires. Is she dead or unconscious? I cannot say. Master Yoda says that it may come to this, or may not. It's the old Jedi adage of "always in motion, is the future."

It scares me… this is my child, no matter the circumstances. The thought of this little innocent life being exposed to this brings out such strong feelings of protectiveness. Now, naturally, all Jedi feel this as it is part of our mandate… perhaps it's just good old maternal instinct.

-----

Day: 30, Month: 03, Year: 25372

The child is born. A boy! Just as I planned, he is little Anakin. Little Ani. Little, youngling, Anakin Skywalker.

Dear old Shula has put her foot down, and insisted the child must have a day or two to settle at his mother's side to adjust after the trauma of childbirth. That is at least one way in which her healer's opinion may occasionally supersede the Council's wishes. She truly has a way about her, and is very attuned to the Force… her healer's instinct allows her to understand the physical, mental and spiritual linkages, and what part of a person needs healing. She has told me in not so many words, she senses that Master Yoda's opinion is the correct way to proceed, but does not have to authority to back him as she does not have a seat on the Council. It is fortunate that the healer, Master Jabesh, currently holds a seat. It's not my place to question their decisions, but as I've written here before, I'm Anakin's mother for a reason. Even if I don't know what the full implications of this are.

Little Ani is simply, amazingly, perfect! He's almost bald, but he has eyes as blue as the lakes of Reytsa. He has ten little fingers, and ten little toes! I just held him in my arms and simply watched him. A helpless little infant, on whom the Force has called into being.

Even now, as he lies in his bed-pod, I watch him. I watch him with such overwhelming love that I ver thought possible. It barely even registers that attachment is forbidden. This is my child, and I love him. It is as simple as that.

I was very weary after the delivery, and still am. I've only had a short sleep and briefly meditated, but I need to see that Anakin is still here. I need to write what I am feeling, and watch him. Attachment may be forbidden, but what of the physical bond that exists between mother and their child? The cord that ties, the cord that is never broken spiritually. I still feel this bond. He is my flesh, and our link is immutable. Truly the ways of the Force are mysterious. Even with rules and regulations put into place, the Force works outside of these… never confined by mere mortals. We are but barely flickering particles of dust in the grand scheme of things.

I watched Anakin, as Master Yoda entered, and as Shula took a blood sample. This simply proves the Force achieves the impossible… other than in prophecies of the Force, can we even begin to explain or comprehend this. But when Shula placed the sample in the reading device, she stared in shock.

Qui-Gon, who had quietly slipped in during all of this, stood near Yoda, expectantly. I was pleased to see him. Though Shula is a friend, I was glad to see someone who present merely for the sake of being present – as support, not in an official capacity.

Shula finally found her tongue, ending the tension that had steadily been building in the room.

"Over 20,000 midichlorians," she proclaimed dazedly.

We all stood (or in my case, lay) there stunned. Who, in the entire history of the Jedi, had ever had a level that high? The answer was simple.

"No-one," Master Yoda pronounced, "that level, has had. Strange this is, but not unexpected. If conceived of the midichlorians this youngling is, a high concentration proves."

Shula, Qui-Gon and myself all met each other's eyes, no easy feat. Similar expressions of shock and amazement crossed our faces. Surely this proved the prophecies correct? It was the only way to explain Anakin's existence, or his midichlorian level. Or my visions… especially those as I delivered Anakin, in my final throes of labour.

Master Yoda's face bore no answers. "Present this evidence to the Council, I will. Have an answer soon, I hope."

-----

What happens next time, when Shmi writes of her delivery? And what does the Council decide? Coming soon is Part 4!

Please read and review!


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